- Governor Whiteman. America's currently in discord, and it's education system is failing. How do you plan to bring balance to the situation? - Of course Janet! I'm gonna do it, I promise! - That's not an answer. - Exactly! - Senator Bland, do you have a better solution? - I do! - So what's the plan? - Gonna fix it! - So you're saying we're (bleep)ed.- (BOTH) That's correct! - Finally President! Let's get to work. - Hello Mrs. President. Here's your schedule for today.
- Thank you, let's take a look here... [SCARY MUSIC] Oh my God! - (BOTH) Hey Hill, we're the Illuminati. We're here to help make sure that all your decisions help us achieve the new world order. - Oh, alright.
- Long story short, I made a deal with Calvin Coolidge a long time ago that gave me a large control over your government in exchange for teaching him how to play the Trumpet. - Wait, what? - Anyways, I'll be making sure that your social issues are a good 50 years behind where they oughtta be. - I'm sorry, I'm having trouble pinning your accent. - Oh, it's from down under! You know, H-E double hockey sticks.
- It is 1965! We got equal rights! It's time to vote! - Oh, you're excited to vote? - Well, that's right! - [Chuckles] Well, all you gotta do is prove your literate, show your verified documentation, and then walk past the angry racist mob in the lobby, who I might mention, is armed with baseball bats and rifles. - Ok, and then I can vote without a problem? - [Chuckles again] Of course! I mean they'll likely linch you afterward. - God damn it! - Oh, language now! - Hello there! - Oh my God! - I represent the aliens. We'll be doing a lot of work around here as we have been for the past 200 years.
- Well then, what am I supposed to be doing around here then?! - There's an N64 'round the corner. [Controller clicking] - Congratulations, Mrs. President. I guess it's time that I hand over the reigns.
- Thanks. [More controller clicking] - My fellow Americans... - Hello everyone, welcome to Democracy, where everyone has a voice! Who here, is excited to vote? - I'm gonna change the world, I have so many ideas! - Ooooh I'm sorry man, you can't vote. - Could I at least stay and watch? - No, you're gonna have to across the street, behind the fence, into the mud pit that we have set up, I'm afraid.
Yeah... - Do you want me to leave now? - You gotta go right now. - Ok. - Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Vote for me! - Splendid news! After thousands of years, we have finally perfected the art of the election! - Each one of you has a stone like this. - Now, for whichever one of us you wish to be our new leader, you shall cast your stone for them. Who wishes for Clodorious to be our new leader? - Ow, oh! Don't cast them in the face! In the face! [Thud] - My God! It's as if Clodorious has... Won by a landslide! Congratulations! Clodorious! Clodorious! Clodorious! - Ladies, you can't vote either.
- But we do all the cooking, cleaning, and create human life! - Yeah, see you got a little too much on your plate, so just leave it to the men to do the voting. - [Scoffs] - Sorry. - I'm gonna vote for the reality TV star! - It is with a heavy heart that I admit that these allegations against me are in fact true! I've let my wife Vivienne down, I've let my children Billy, Crystal, and our adopted Korean daughter John Mellencamp down, I've let down my sensei, Instructor Bokayaki, and worst of all, I've let down the homie up above me, God. Once again, I apologize! I did in fact urinate on a public slide when I was 3 years old! [Press asking questions] - Can I still vote? - Of course! What's your name? - Elijah Bergstein.
- Oooooh Jewish, weird territory, but you're white so imma let it slide. Do you own land? - You don't? - No. - Oh, then it's a no. - I should go.
- You gotta go. - Ok. - Yeah, you gotta go. Yeah.
Alright, let's vote! Who wants to vote for me to be mayor? Cool, democracy works! - Hey guys, special thanks for watching and make sure to subscribe! If you wanna watch bloopers and deleted scenes, click the box on the left. And to check out "Every American Ever," click the box on the right. - Hey, can I still vote?.
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